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It's a familiar setting; you, the intelligent employee, are yet again biting your tongue when your manager says something contradictory to his or her own policy or statements, or is once again making a promise that you know, that you KNOW, will never materialize, ultimately wasting your time and their own.

Perceived incompetence.

While I talk a LOT about Perception Management in the interview setting, it is important to remember that an interview is a microcosm, an attempt to concentrate as much of your personality and work ethic into as small a time frame as possible for the examination of those determining your hireability. As we all know, though, managing perception is something that some do very, very well (Rudy Giuliani) and some the very, very poorly (George W. Bush), often at their own peril. Now, if you're in a position of leadership imagine for a moment the possibility that you have been perceived in the way that your employer was portrayed above. Now take that possibility and move it firmly and finally into reality; you have and will again be perceived as an incompetent boob by those that you are in direct command of. It's a sure thing, because entirety of perception is something that NO ONE has control over. This idea extends into all facets of mentality, including a person's feelings toward race, gender, nationality, even hair style, speech style and physical body presence.

The key here, though, and the reason I bring this up is not to make you feel like you're going to be looked at like a moron constantly and in every exchange with those that you believe respect you. That simply isn't the case. I say this in the hopes of preparing you a bit better for when you ARE looked at in that way and so that it comes as less of a shock. Much like when you get a flat tire, it's something that will happen to all of us in life, and knowing how to deal with it is the key, rather than avoiding every single nail or replacing your tires every 500 miles.

The key is flexibility of self-perception. Know that you can and will be wrong at times and that it's not a bad thing. It's true; much like any deviation from average, everyone has a degree of deviation from "correct" judgment, and it's something that's built into business. This delightful margin for human error is reflected in cushions in operational productivity, in slush funds for overages in budgets, and in a million other small places that allow for wiggle room. Now, I'm not advocating that you go about your professional life all nimbly-pimbly, jumping from uneducated decision to bad business speculation like some sort of jungle cat. No, there are plenty of people who deviate so much that they ruin the margin. Do, however, acknowledge when you've made a mistake and own up to it by fixing it and learning from it. This lets those below you AND above you see that you are, in fact, human and will, in fact, make mistakes but will always fix them and not repeat them.

This DEFINITELY applies to those leading YOU, as well. Be understanding and be the ADVOCATE for the person struggling, even if they don't know they are. I believe that those that support me from below have saved me more than I know and many more times even than I have saved them. I am definitely OK with this and am very proud of this fact because as a leader of a team you are also a member of that team.

Long story short, remember that people are human, and that no one is just a title, regardless of whether all you see from them is their email address or phone number. 

Oh, the sweet, sweet forbidden fruit of the workplace romance. Quoting MSNBC, at this point, in 2008, 62% of the American workforce has been involved in an office affair. Roughly 50% of women and 20% of all men have had an affair with a superior, compared with 7% of women and 25% of men who have dated a subordinate.

It would seem that many of us are climbing the ladder in ways more enjoyable than revving up our resumes...

With 92% of the population of the American workplace admitting that they've flirted with or been flirted with in an intentional (that means in a way that is intended to precipitate in the nasty), our water cooler chat is quickly becoming our broom closet "meeting". And we're penciling partners in faster than ever before; a whopping 41% currently claim to have participated in sexual activities while on the clock.

Wow. Overtime never sounded so good.

It makes sense, though, if you think about it. Not ONLY are we all getting hotter as cosmetic procedures become more available and more affordable and people mature to peak sexuality sooner and more aggressively, but the timeframe for these interactions grows wider as the Cialises and Viagras of the world keep men in the game well into their 70's. Add to the equation the welcome and needed increase in female executives and the corresponding increase in established female power and wealth, and BANG!... You've got yourself one sexually charged world to work in.

Here's the deal, though...

Stay out of it.

As astonishing as Roxy the new marketing agent looks in red, as hard as it is not to stare at Chad's shoulders, as long as you've been fighting the advances from three cubicles over, keep fighting. I'm definitely part of too many of the statistics listed above, and I can tell you this: In hindsight I would not repeat the actions. The distraction, the worry, the highs and lows of these situations DO NOT COMPARE in terms of quality-of-life enhancement with relationships that don't correspond with your professional life. While many companies have historically been stepping away from regulating and governing their employees' relationships for both legal and moral reasons, the pendulum has begun to swing the other way as even the most flexible companies are now forbidding the hiring of spouses, close family or life parters under the same management.

And, folks, if you're a manager who has been thinking (or more than thinking) about doing naughty things with your admin or your assistant, or your left-hand-person or your bottom-rung-employee, don't. Please, please don't. The power that you transfer in that situation is very nearly material. Think of sleeping with someone you are professionally responsible for as if you were allowing them to move into your home and assume partial ownership. Once that link is established, they have a power and role in your life that you simply can't refute, because the way that person is disciplined, incentivized, promoted or fired will all then be influenced by you, whether you're making it happen or watching it happen after you've been fired or sued. Regardless of who you think this person is, please remember that this person will be someone different when you've allowed that transfer of power to occur, guaranteed.

That being said, while it can still be one hell of a bad idea, especially if you could ever be a partner's direct report, lateral office romances are extremely exciting and nearly impossible to resist as these people are usually ones you're spending a great deal of time around and with whom you are often much more well-aquainted than you realize.

So, while I would never advocate getting involved in a relationship in the professional environment, I recognize that sometimes it happens... Just make sure you realize what you're getting yourself into.

Pun intended.

I was exposed to a very interesting concept a few days ago while having lunch with one of my employees. You see, this fellow is renowned throughout our company as someone who just flat knows his stuff when it comes to the outdoors and the gear you need to get where you're going and stay alive doing it. This is the guy who has summited Kilamanjaro, who has done the "Into the Wild" thing, and who knows more about GPS units than Ron Jeremy knows about coitus.

I asked Greg, the aforementioned employee, what his goal was in his parenting. He has two daughters, aged 3 and 5, both of whom ski better than I do, can swim, can roller blade and can snowboard. Basically, in two years these children have amassed more physical prowess than the average 30 year old American. Sad for the average or inspiring for the individual, your choice. Anyway, the question was referring to Greg's goal in his parenting of these kids. His explanation was that he wanted his children to understand the concept of mastery. Greg has "mastered" a number of skills and areas of knowledge, "mastering" being the act of becoming so knowledgeable, so versed, so fluent in something that there are few, if any, that can teach you about it.

The idea of this mastery being something that a child can perceive and build their confidence, their world view, their personality around is a very valuable one, and is applicable to each and every one of us, whether we're a 3 year old snow phenom or a 37 year old leader of people. The thing is, we all think back to a time when we were quite good at something. I personally think back to when I was dancing and teaching a great deal. While there were plenty of people in the world that could teach me more about the art, in my immediate world I was the authority on the topic, and it was a fantastic sensation. I'm not talking about the arrogant "king in the castle" sensation of power, but the idea that you have worked to accomplish something and for it you have to show the confidence that you've earned.

The REAL power of this idea is that you don't always have to be a "master" to understand the concept. Having ever mastered something and keeping that feeling, understanding what it means, is the key. You don't have to master all things, but to know that, having mastered at least one thing, you could master any of them is one of the greatest sensations we as people can have.

And, boy, if you can apply this to your professional world you will see an entire new life rolling out in front of you.

Men are more often bribed by their loyalties and ambitions than by money - Robert Jackson
 
The difficult thing about personal ambition is that both of its edges are razor sharp. When cutting in the positive direction ambition is quite possibly the most valuable trait one can possess. When it cuts you there is little that can gouge you as quickly or as deeply. You see, for every single step you take, or even skip, by being the ambitious individual, you incur jealousy and sometimes even wrath on the part of those overlooked or bypassed. While it not true that every single advancement comes at the cost of another, the opportunity cost of succeeding quickly can sometimes be someone else's cost, which ultimately comes back to us... Tenfold.

Ultimately, I am beginning to realize that the best course is the one of calm advancement, keeping in mind the Chinese proverb of never fearing moving slowly, but to only fear standing still. In this American world of ours that is so very, very focused on money and possession, it can be difficult, sometimes even humiliating, to grow slowly. I personally struggle to keep from measuring myself against my high school reunions and comparisons of those that I grew up with. It's easy to base your own level of success on those with whom you went to school because they had the same advantages and challenges you did, right? So making your success relative to theirs seems realistic, right? I believe that success relative to anyone's definitions but your own should be thrown out. This completely includes my own views expressed herein; Define your own success, whether that's entry-level management for a mid-sized company or constantly aspiring towards self-determination of income.

At the end of the day, I believe that it is impossible to be the character from the John Grisham novel that can anticipate all events and thusly only benefit from ambition. It is for this reason that the path of the calm man is the one with the least traps, and the one that I personally look forward to walking for many years to come, regardless of how far along other people's paths it may lead.

I don't like Manager Speak. The modern world is endlessly convoluted with this rapidly growing language comprised of ubiquitous terminology, vexing acronyms and nonsensical vagaries. (i.e. "Bob, can you explain your game plan for sales in Q3?" "Absolutely! We're going to capitalize all opportunities both known and unknown while keeping an eye on the bottom line and maximizing profitability through top-line focus and bottom-line awareness." "Great! ... Wait a minute...")

It's a dangerous thing because the more fluent you become in Manager Speak the more English becomes a second language, nearly crippling the communication process.

The reason that I'm bringing Manager Speak up is to illustrate the importance of perceptions. Take, for instance, the manager who communicates nearly exclusively through Manager Speak. If someone came readily to mind there is an extreme likelihood that this person is not respected as someone that has anything to say. The idea is to avoid being someone who will say anything when they don't have anything to say.

There are many variations on the popular quotation, "Perception is 90% of reality", all of which are probably very valid. There are competing arguments woven throughout various faiths, business models and media ranging from the idea that the entire world is simply the creation of the individual mind to "Nothingness Theories" that preach the concept of nothing actually existing on any level. Whatever belief it may be that you subscribe to, success in one's career hangs heavily upon the hinge of perception.

So, anecdotal rambling aside, what are some things that help cultivate a favorable perception in the eyes of those around us? The single greatest asset in this constant opportunity is the inner character. The concept of living your values and representing something definite is not only the most important idea one can focus on, it is the most difficult one to remain diligent in exercise. Keep this idea in mind, though: No matter who it is that you are, be that person constantly and those around you will quickly learn to respect your presence. If you are wavering and infrequently the same person, those above you and below you will never know where you stand and will therefore not consider you as powerful or respectable as they might have.

Perception is valuable in all aspects of the Career Ninja's practice. An employee that knows where you stand on things will simply not create problems for themselves or you. Your direct command, when knowing who you are, will be much more likely to turn to you in situations of trust and value your opinion much more so than that of the inconstant character.

Simply put, be who you are every single day and you will establish yourself in the eyes of everyone that matters, including (first and absolutely foremost) yourself.

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It was a flawless day in the Garden of the Masters. The fragrant cherry blossoms wandered silently between the Sun's warming beams and the barely present breeze to the patient Earth while distant chimes rang, rounding out the final course in this feast for the senses.

Early noon found two quiet individuals slowly and purposefully advancing into a secluded grove. The first wore a quiet calm that spoke of a readiness and confidence that, over the years, had stunned many in presence and awed more in rumor. The second moved with the same grace as the breeze that gently nudged the blossoms from their home, insinuating rather than asserting and leaving the onlooker with a feeling of deep calm and respect.

Each was aware of the presence of the other for some time, for here were the avatars of the arts of Ninpo and Wu Shu, respectively. Each regarded the other as it became clear to both that they were mutually intending to enjoy the placid calm of the grove.

"Old friend, I find joy in your companionship on this flawless day." Wu Shu calmly and almost impartially spoke with a perfectly courteous hint of a smile and a bow that, if advanced, could easily have been the very beginning of a long, flowing motion from which no one could look.

Returning the courteous gesture with a genuine bow of the head and a placid, meditative expression, Ninpo replied, "Yes, for joy shared is joy twice doubled. Will you join me for tea on this truly idyllic day, friend?"

As effortless as their entrance, each produced a thin pillow and took a seat across from one another next to an ancient stone table adorned with the last scant millimeters of timeless symbols nearly lost in the current of countless years.

The Sun meandered across the azure expanse. Each blossom petal fell in perfect syncopation. The conversation between Wu Shu and Ninpo moved much like a ribbon released to a steady draft, each complimenting the others' contribution in turn.

As the shadows' daily march brought their reaches near to the opposing end of the courtyard, another natural process took hold. Just as the elements test one another in their constant posturing to maintain balance, Ninpo and Wu Shu very calmly began to discuss and compare their arts to one another

Ninpo, the consummate master of strategy and preparation, was the initiator of the contest, though unchangingly respectful line of conversation.

"Tell me, Wu Shu, which do you feel is the more valuable trait, calm or preparation?"

"In knowing one the true warrior will know both, Ninpo. Exclusivity breeds imbalance."
While thoughtfully acknowledging Wu Shu's comment, the subtle feline smile of a successfully sprung trap danced upon Ninpo's face.

"Balance is paramount in the practice of any bound for true success, yes, but where have you placed focus, dear friend? Without focus there can be no advancement, as the bird that chases two mice will catch none, and that selfsame bird in hand is worth two in the bush."

Wu Shu, having spent millenia becoming familiar with nothing and thusly being truly ready for all things, gazed placidly at this conversational snare while deftly disarming it. "Your very spirit speaks to the notion of readiness through preparation and forecast, Ninpo. Is it not true that disciples of your art are diligent students of each predictable variable, including even the movement of the moon and stars in order to accurately gauge even the depths of the sea through which they will move in their readiness?"

Ninpo smiled, for this fact spoke very truly of the extent to which the practitioners of Ninpo would go in order to properly assess a situation. Ninpo's students were widely feared by their opponents in battle and the gaming hall alike, leaving each with either an enemy's blood on blade or coins in purse. "This is true, Wu Shu, for without complete knowledge of one's environment how can one act with complete certainty that each action will embody the intention behind it?"

Wu Shu's reply, more even than the fluid grace of speech and gesture, embodied that which Wu Shu represented. "You speak of focus, my fellow avatar. However, who is it that can focus on each and every aspect of each thing? Without the complete knowledge of the path of each atom concerned, how can one possess an absolute certainty through which to act in complete disregard of doubt? It cannot be, for each variable consists of an infinite number of variables, the calculation of which would lead to an eternity spent attempting to realize the path of a single blossom' fall." As if to punctuate the comment and the end of the discussion, a single blossom came to rest in the very center of the table between them, symbolizing both the impossibility of certainty and the importance of awareness of all things.

Again in balance, each having presented through both action and speech the virtues of their arts, Ninpo and Wu Shu stood and, with the love and honor of the masters of any art, bowed and silently left the grove to the blossoms and the shadows.

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