NinjaX: September 2007 Archives

• Blame it on Brad, the lesser ninja over in human resources.  You're far too sneaky to get found out
• Keeping shouting at security, "I no speak English, only Japanese"
• Use your skills in deception and disguise to impersonate a company manager and have the report dropped
• Entertain the police with your amazing powers of persuasion
• Sneak into the building in the middle of the night and makes all records of complaints "disappear"
• Cling to the ceiling so that no one can find you
• Start an office wide disturbance by setting off the smoke alarms with your smoke bombs so they have to deal with a bigger problem first
• Challenge your boss to a duel, double or nothing.  If you win he forgives you, if you lose, you quit
• Quote the part of The Art of War that talks about how to cause trouble to practice your recovery skills
• Explain that you were testing the company security measures, which failed miserably
• Quickly transfer to another department because it was time for a promotion anyway
• Use those 2 weeks of vacation time you were saving up to attend a martial arts retreat
• Bring throwing star cookies for everyone in the office to build goodwill
• Load your cubicle with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys.  Any would be harasser will be immediately absorbed in them and unable to say anything other than "I loved those things when I was a kid"
• Invite everyone over for sake and sushi
• Mix some sleeping powder in with your ninja crackers so that everyone becomes very very sleepy
• Juggle katanas as an amusing diversion
• Scuff it off and say "Jeez don't you know that ninjas always do that"
• Queue your theme music and then enter the arena *cough* I mean office, followed by an army of your minions *cough* coworkers
• Deliver an apology for your failure straight out of an 11th century ninja's mouth before requesting to cut off a finger as ritual punishment
• Send an email to CareerNinja asking for help

For a limited time only, we are offering free CareerNinja.com email addresses to anyone who wants one.  That means that you can start your journey as a career ninja with your very own tagline.  You could be surferninja@careerninja.com or perhaps ninjamom@careerninja.com  Won't all your friends be envious?  The possibilities are limited only by your imagination (and making sure that you take the good names before anyone else does).  And your email is hosted on the Gmail platform created by the fine folks at Google, so you know it's good.

To request your personal email address, use our handy Contact Form and send us a message with your desired email address.  Once your account has been created, we'll send a confirmation message to your old email address with instructions on how to access your account along with a randomly generated password that you can change once you login.

Please limit yourself to one email address per person.  Also, please use career ninjitsu and act responsibly with your account, your behavior reflects on the CareerNinja community and setting a positive example helps ensure the site continues to grow and succeed.

Within the field of human activity, self expression is one of the highest virtues imaginable.  Our movie stars, writers, painters, comedians are all recognized for the distinct qualities they bring to their performance.  Jim Carrey broke it big by shattering the notion of what made physical comedy.  Robin Williams single handedly saved Aladdin from being an atrocious movie, and Van Gogh reshaped the art world by being, well, Van Gogh.

So why is it then that it seems that so many of our interactions are defined by a different set of standards, one that puts acceptability and adhering to a social norm above this right to expression?  Somewhere along the way, who knows when, it became important that we uphold a particular image.  Maintain an unchanging social profile.  Be yourself.  But that's an impossible dream, once that suffocates creativity and fails to acknowledge the dynamic and ever changing nature of human relationships and personalities.  Even the most outgoing and realized individual may face times where they feel sad, spend some time alone, or act a little goofy.

Self expression is about reaching deeper inside, underneath the layers of shoulds and social conditioning to a more raw, unconditioned place.  It's about having the courage to replace "This is who I need to be" and exclaim "This is who I want to be".  In that place lives a certain energy that gives vitality and creativity to whatever it touches.  Analyzing what you're about to say saps the creative process with second guessing, coloring it with an heartlessness that is obvious to anyone who observes it.  When you speak from the heart, there is a conviction that has the potential to reach another person and touch their universe in a way that could only be your own.

One of the ways I like to view life is as an interplay of ideas.  Someone says something to you, and then you decide how to respond.  They respond back and we start to evolve.  When you start to look at it that way, opportunities abound and your life becomes a bit like a Choose Your Own Adventure book.  It's not even important where you end up, you just get to check out all the different sights.

Consider the last time you shared a funny story or joke.  The moment you try and recite it, it becomes forced and you're stuck with the unenviable position of convincing everyone in the room that yes, you really did say something funny.  You might even have to explain the punchline.  Gah!!!  What a nightmare!  Yet it always (well not always, but often) seems that the funny moments are when someone is just sloppy enough to reveal an embarrassing detail about themselves or speak their mind and then step back and say Oh my god, did I just say that?!?

The highlight of my day yesterday was browsing the best of Craigslist section and enjoying the myriad posts that expressed all the different ways that we humans interact (and get ourselves into trouble).  One in particular stood out more than the others:
lvl 8 ogre mage seeks moon queen or druid
I opened it up and bust out laughing as I saw a picture of a dude in full roleplaying gear side by side with some sort of bizarre gaming figurine.  I could not help but appreciate someone who was unabashedly unafraid of showing a very personal side of himself and express his heart desires.  And with such a charming and funny post, I imagine he was quite successful at attracting the attention of numerous women.

When you start to appreciate the foibles and quirks of other people, something magical starts to happen.  Life ceases to be a struggle and instead becomes a wonderful play of human expression.  Each new person you meet is distinct and shows you a different side of the possibilities of life.  You welcome the unusual and with that people flower around you.  They feel comfortable being themselves and with that, you may even find that they stop exhibiting some of the personality traits that most people would consider annoying.  At the same time by doing so, you create a space in which you are welcome to express yourself.  By making them comfortable, they will want you to be comfortable.  That's a whole lot easier than trying to change people (unsuccessfully) to match your ideal.

The next time you're talking to someone and ask yourself if you should say something strange or unexpected, consider doing it.  So long as it's not nasty or critical, you may come across as more genuine and be the beginning of a deeper conversation.  Keep doing it, and who knows.  You might find the real you showing up.

What the heck is going on?  Your life is spinning out of control, you have no idea where to turn and who can help you out.  No matter what, there is a calm inner voice you can turn to for guidance.  By creating an inner guide, you are providing yourself with a wonderful tool for accessing your own intuition and exploring your growth.

Your intuition is one of your strongest assets.  You have a greater knowledge of your talents, strengths, weaknesses, needs, and desires than anyone else could ever have (psychic powered friends excluded).  So it's important to use that knowledge to make yourself happier and successful.  Unfortunately accessing your intuition can be tough. When your head is spinning amongst the toils of deadlines, relationships, and traffic jams, it can be tough to locate that little voice in the back of your head.   By creating a visual representation of your intuition in the form of an inner guide that you can look at and talk to, you take things out of the realm of the mystical and into the world of the helpful.

Visualizing your inner guide:
Close your eyes for a moment and picture yourself in five years.   This is the you that's overcome many of the difficulties you're facing and looks back on them with amusement.  It's who you've always wanted to be, how you conceived yourself when you were at your best.  So your guide is smiling, relaxed, and completely open to helping you with whatever you need.  Dress your guide in the clothes that fit your image of your future self - perhaps a nice cotton shirt and some Birkenstocks or a suit and tie.

You may be tempted to visualize your favorite teacher or friend, but allow yourself  to model the guide after your image. Your guide is the You that you'd like to become.  The one that's learned the tough lessons and can help you avoid some unnecessary hard knocks.  Best of all, your guide completely understands what you are going through.  While even your best friend will be busy from time to time, you can consult your inner guide by ducking into a quiet corner, closing your eyes, and starting up a conversation.

Traits of the guide:
Each person's needs are different, but there are certain traits that nearly anyone will want to develop.  Your guide is always willing to help, glad to share the lessons they've learned and assist in your growth.  Your guide speaks with a calm conviction, providing simple, poignant answers that put your mind at ease and provide just the right focus.  Your guide is compassionate, appreciating any difficulties or suffering you may be experiencing and appreciating the challenges common to all human beings.  In addition, assign any attributes that you would like to - if you'd like to be in shape, visualize your guide with a healthy body.
 
Starting the conversation:
Find a quiet place where you can relax and remain undisturbed for some time.  If you have a cell phone, turn it off so your attention is not anticipating an incoming call.  Now close your eyes, visualize your guide, and say hi.  When I do this, my guide responds by saying hi and radiating a feeling of unconditional love.

Asking a question:
Now that you've made the initial connection, it's time to begin working with your guide.  Go ahead and ask a question and then see what your guide says.  The answer may surprise you, they often come with a twist - after all the guide has five additional years of wisdom under their belt.  For example I was recently in the hospital, so I spent some time working with my guide.  Reflecting on all the drama I was seeing on TV and the personalities embroiled in conflict, I wondered how I should take it all in.  My guide simply said, "Isn't this fun?"  I had gotten so lost in my head that I was missing the crazy ways that life turns.

When you ask a question, there's no reason to be satisfied with the first answer you receive.  Keep questioning and digging in until you're satisfied that you understand why the guide's logic.

Tuning the guide:
The guide performs another important role as well, that of helping you become the person you want to be. Your guide is a living example of what that looks like along with the knowledge of how to get there.  To master a particular subject whether it's work or relationships, you should be able to know what to say or do in any situation without requiring thought.  If your guide doesn't speak with the cool confidence of a ninja master, keep tuning until the answers are just right.  You'll feel it once you have it dialed in.

In addition, sometimes your more negative personality traits will creep into your guide.  When that happens, recreate your guide without them.  The guide provides an important contrast between where you are now and where you're going, so he or she should be as close to your ideal as possible.  If your guide provides a lot of egoistic answers (ones that focus too much on yourself), keep tuning.  For example if your question is "Where should I work?" and the first answer you get is "the highest paying company in your field", you may find that requestioning comes up with something like "a company that rewards their employees for innovation".  The latter tends to feel more right and is a sign that your guide is where you want it to be.

• three weeks after your hire a no mask policy was added to the dress code
• human resources refers to you as "The Enigma"
• you use throwing stars as thumbtacks
• the vending machine shakes and spits out a Snickers every time it sees you coming
• you use smoke breaks for smoke bombs
• you sign your name in origami characters
  
• you've ever wondered who'd win in a fight - Jacky Chan or Henry Ford
• your innate skills in stealth are compromising your attendance record
• your manager is growing tired of reminding you that his name is "Bob, not 'Master'"
• you quit your previous job because they wouldn't let you bring your swords to work
• you spend more time pondering how you could disappear under your desk during an attack than actually working
• you cut Bill from accounting's birthday cake with a katana
• you won't bathe because someone could sneak up on you in the shower
• you're the grandmaster of your own martial art
• half your paycheck goes to replacing your shurikens
• even your family doesn't know your real name
• you bring home-brewed sake to the company BBQ
• your coworkers get your attention by shouting Bonzai!
• you get to your desk by fire escape
• no one has ever seen you arrive, but you're never late
• you're angry at  Phillip for revealing "your secrets"
• the firewall blocks askaninja just for you
• you're considering transferring to a new employer who appreciates your "talents"
• you ask for you paycheck in gold so they won't know where your lair is
• when they inquire with your previous employer, your records are mysteriously missing
• you can kick the copier back into line, literally
• you surround your cubicle with webcams so you can see "them" coming
• your favorite bluff is a three foot piece of steel
• you slice TPS reports in half
• you got your degree from the Shaolin Temple
• you are the company shredder