Judo (Conflict Resolution): September 2007 Archives
You're a ninja and you know what that means. Ninjas are always playing tricks on people. So here are a few helpful hints on how to escape trouble when you get found out:
- Blame it on Brad, the lesser ninja over in human resources. You're far too sneaky to get found out
- Keeping shouting at security, "I no speak English, only Japanese"
- Use your skills in deception and disguise to impersonate a company manager and have the report dropped
- Entertain the police with your amazing powers of persuasion
- Sneak into the building in the middle of the night and makes all records of complaints "disappear"
- Cling to the ceiling so that no one can find you
- Start an office wide disturbance by setting off the smoke alarms with your smoke bombs so they have to deal with a bigger problem first
- Challenge your boss to a duel, double or nothing. If you win he forgives you, if you lose, you quit
- Quote the part of The Art of War that talks about how to cause trouble to practice your recovery skills
- Explain that you were testing the company security measures, which failed miserably
- Quickly transfer to another department because it was time for a promotion anyway
- Use those 2 weeks of vacation time you were saving up to attend a martial arts retreat
- Bring throwing star cookies for everyone in the office to build goodwill
- Load your cubicle with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys. Any would be harasser will be immediately absorbed in them and unable to say anything other than "I loved those things when I was a kid"
- Invite everyone over for sake and sushi
- Mix some sleeping powder in with your ninja crackers so that everyone becomes very very sleepy
- Juggle katanas as an amusing diversion
- Scuff it off and say "Jeez don't you know that ninjas always do that"
- Queue your theme music and then enter the arena *cough* I mean office, followed by an army of your minions *cough* coworkers
- Deliver an apology for your failure straight out of an 11th century ninja's mouth before requesting to cut off a finger as ritual punishment
- Send an email to CareerNinja asking for help
