Recently in Judo (Conflict Resolution) Category
Oh, the sweet, sweet forbidden fruit of the workplace romance. Quoting MSNBC, at this point, in 2008, 62% of the American workforce has been involved in an office affair. Roughly 50% of women and 20% of all men have had an affair with a superior, compared with 7% of women and 25% of men who have dated a subordinate.It would seem that many of us are climbing the ladder in ways more enjoyable than revving up our resumes...
With 92% of the population of the American workplace admitting that they've flirted with or been flirted with in an intentional (that means in a way that is intended to precipitate in the nasty), our water cooler chat is quickly becoming our broom closet "meeting". And we're penciling partners in faster than ever before; a whopping 41% currently claim to have participated in sexual activities while on the clock.
Wow. Overtime never sounded so good.
It makes sense, though, if you think about it. Not ONLY are we all getting hotter as cosmetic procedures become more available and more affordable and people mature to peak sexuality sooner and more aggressively, but the timeframe for these interactions grows wider as the Cialises and Viagras of the world keep men in the game well into their 70's. Add to the equation the welcome and needed increase in female executives and the corresponding increase in established female power and wealth, and BANG!... You've got yourself one sexually charged world to work in.
Here's the deal, though...
Stay out of it.
As astonishing as Roxy the new marketing agent looks in red, as hard as it is not to stare at Chad's shoulders, as long as you've been fighting the advances from three cubicles over, keep fighting. I'm definitely part of too many of the statistics listed above, and I can tell you this: In hindsight I would not repeat the actions. The distraction, the worry, the highs and lows of these situations DO NOT COMPARE in terms of quality-of-life enhancement with relationships that don't correspond with your professional life. While many companies have historically been stepping away from regulating and governing their employees' relationships for both legal and moral reasons, the pendulum has begun to swing the other way as even the most flexible companies are now forbidding the hiring of spouses, close family or life parters under the same management.
And, folks, if you're a manager who has been thinking (or more than thinking) about doing naughty things with your admin or your assistant, or your left-hand-person or your bottom-rung-employee, don't. Please, please don't. The power that you transfer in that situation is very nearly material. Think of sleeping with someone you are professionally responsible for as if you were allowing them to move into your home and assume partial ownership. Once that link is established, they have a power and role in your life that you simply can't refute, because the way that person is disciplined, incentivized, promoted or fired will all then be influenced by you, whether you're making it happen or watching it happen after you've been fired or sued. Regardless of who you think this person is, please remember that this person will be someone different when you've allowed that transfer of power to occur, guaranteed.
That being said, while it can still be one hell of a bad idea, especially if you could ever be a partner's direct report, lateral office romances are extremely exciting and nearly impossible to resist as these people are usually ones you're spending a great deal of time around and with whom you are often much more well-aquainted than you realize.
So, while I would never advocate getting involved in a relationship in the professional environment, I recognize that sometimes it happens... Just make sure you realize what you're getting yourself into.
Pun intended.
You're a ninja and you know what that means. Ninjas are always playing tricks on people. So here are a few helpful hints on how to escape trouble when you get found out:
- Blame it on Brad, the lesser ninja over in human resources. You're far too sneaky to get found out
- Keeping shouting at security, "I no speak English, only Japanese"
- Use your skills in deception and disguise to impersonate a company manager and have the report dropped
- Entertain the police with your amazing powers of persuasion
- Sneak into the building in the middle of the night and makes all records of complaints "disappear"
- Cling to the ceiling so that no one can find you
- Start an office wide disturbance by setting off the smoke alarms with your smoke bombs so they have to deal with a bigger problem first
- Challenge your boss to a duel, double or nothing. If you win he forgives you, if you lose, you quit
- Quote the part of The Art of War that talks about how to cause trouble to practice your recovery skills
- Explain that you were testing the company security measures, which failed miserably
- Quickly transfer to another department because it was time for a promotion anyway
- Use those 2 weeks of vacation time you were saving up to attend a martial arts retreat
- Bring throwing star cookies for everyone in the office to build goodwill
- Load your cubicle with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys. Any would be harasser will be immediately absorbed in them and unable to say anything other than "I loved those things when I was a kid"
- Invite everyone over for sake and sushi
- Mix some sleeping powder in with your ninja crackers so that everyone becomes very very sleepy
- Juggle katanas as an amusing diversion
- Scuff it off and say "Jeez don't you know that ninjas always do that"
- Queue your theme music and then enter the arena *cough* I mean office, followed by an army of your minions *cough* coworkers
- Deliver an apology for your failure straight out of an 11th century ninja's mouth before requesting to cut off a finger as ritual punishment
- Send an email to CareerNinja asking for help
