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It's a familiar setting; you, the intelligent employee, are yet again biting your tongue when your manager says something contradictory to his or her own policy or statements, or is once again making a promise that you know, that you KNOW, will never materialize, ultimately wasting your time and their own.

Perceived incompetence.

While I talk a LOT about Perception Management in the interview setting, it is important to remember that an interview is a microcosm, an attempt to concentrate as much of your personality and work ethic into as small a time frame as possible for the examination of those determining your hireability. As we all know, though, managing perception is something that some do very, very well (Rudy Giuliani) and some the very, very poorly (George W. Bush), often at their own peril. Now, if you're in a position of leadership imagine for a moment the possibility that you have been perceived in the way that your employer was portrayed above. Now take that possibility and move it firmly and finally into reality; you have and will again be perceived as an incompetent boob by those that you are in direct command of. It's a sure thing, because entirety of perception is something that NO ONE has control over. This idea extends into all facets of mentality, including a person's feelings toward race, gender, nationality, even hair style, speech style and physical body presence.

The key here, though, and the reason I bring this up is not to make you feel like you're going to be looked at like a moron constantly and in every exchange with those that you believe respect you. That simply isn't the case. I say this in the hopes of preparing you a bit better for when you ARE looked at in that way and so that it comes as less of a shock. Much like when you get a flat tire, it's something that will happen to all of us in life, and knowing how to deal with it is the key, rather than avoiding every single nail or replacing your tires every 500 miles.

The key is flexibility of self-perception. Know that you can and will be wrong at times and that it's not a bad thing. It's true; much like any deviation from average, everyone has a degree of deviation from "correct" judgment, and it's something that's built into business. This delightful margin for human error is reflected in cushions in operational productivity, in slush funds for overages in budgets, and in a million other small places that allow for wiggle room. Now, I'm not advocating that you go about your professional life all nimbly-pimbly, jumping from uneducated decision to bad business speculation like some sort of jungle cat. No, there are plenty of people who deviate so much that they ruin the margin. Do, however, acknowledge when you've made a mistake and own up to it by fixing it and learning from it. This lets those below you AND above you see that you are, in fact, human and will, in fact, make mistakes but will always fix them and not repeat them.

This DEFINITELY applies to those leading YOU, as well. Be understanding and be the ADVOCATE for the person struggling, even if they don't know they are. I believe that those that support me from below have saved me more than I know and many more times even than I have saved them. I am definitely OK with this and am very proud of this fact because as a leader of a team you are also a member of that team.

Long story short, remember that people are human, and that no one is just a title, regardless of whether all you see from them is their email address or phone number. 

Many of us carry afflictions that have done much to create and define us. An affliction can be any number of things, extending from the physical malady type that most associate with the word to the very non-physical, reaching into the psychological and experiential. Regardless of its nature, we all have afflictions that have shaped us and taught us.

My affliction is kidney stones and the many problems that go with them.

The problem of my particular kind of kidney stones is a very interesting one. You see, as a morbidly obese child, I was cursed with kidney stones at a very early age, and have continued to enjoy their "contributions" to my life to this day. Much like a first kiss, a first car, or first grade, after many years and many of all of the above, kidney stones included, none of them are as world-shattering as the first. This affliction of mine teaches me a great deal, though, because the nature of these stones is eerily similar to the old "rolling stone gathers no moss" saying. You see, a sedentary lifestyle and poor diet lead to the formation and growth of kidney stones. This rewrites the saying as, "a moving Jonathon gathers no stones."

Ouch.

In any event, every time I pass a kidney stone it is a sharp (very sharp) reminder that some practice of mine needs to change. I love to spend time on the computer and I love to read, two activities that don't stir things up much. Also, I find that my diet has drifted from the extremely healthy one that I enjoyed in lighter and healthier days. Additionally, stress levels have fluctuated up in recent days and months, further degrading the situation. The thing is, none of these issues are anyone's fault but my own, which makes it all too appropriate that each stone would be suffered by me and me alone, and in a place that couldn't possibly get more personal.

I wouldn't trade my affliction, though, regardless of the myriad effects it has had on my entire life. Take a few minutes, turn off the music and the television, maybe on the drive to work, and reflect on your affliction. Whatever it is, it's the first thing that comes to your mind, whether it's your Mother being abusive, your repressive religious upbringing, your inability to balance a checkbook, alcoholism, a birth defect, depression, OCD, your disabled sibling, whatever it is that YOU perceive as your affliction. This is all yours, so enjoy it and ask yourself, after taking stock of your life as it is and the person you are, if you'd trade your affliction for any other one in the world.

And THAT'S what makes it yours.

It happens, and if you think it can't happen to you, you're wrong. As long as someone else is signing your paychecks, especially in an at-will employment state like California, you can legally be involuntarily terminated at any time by someone you trust for reasons you may never know. The idea? Be prepared. We'll discuss options to consider and characterize the three different stages of being fired... And what to do in each. Please also keep in mind that a decision made out of haste or out of anger and desperation is very rarely a good one, and that this is the single most important variable that you can affect. So, throughout this exercise, please constantly take stock of your levels of anxiety, anger, and disquiet. If you find yourself in anything but a state of readiness to make important decisions, please step away, take ten minutes to center yourself, and then proceed.

 

The Three Stages of Being Fired

1.    You have a very specific reason to believe that you are going to be fired very soon

Now, this doesn't refer to paranoia, that distant voice that is always just the smallest bit suspicious that things could run South. We're talking about a situation in which you did something specific, or are aware of a very specific reason that the axe is, most definitely, about to fall. Too often, this feeling can completely disarm a person, often hitting hardest those who thought that they would never find themselves in this situation. "I'm too educated." "I'm worth too much to the company." "They wouldn't dare fire me!!!" Well, even the most tenured professor can find themselves here.

So, first off, sit down somewhere quiet and take twenty minutes to contemplate the fact that this particular phase of your career life is about to end. This is not a bad thing!!! What this is, however, is time to use Career Judo. Wikipedia lists this description for Judo: "Literally 'the gentle way', this ancient martial art (also known as jujutsu) makes use of the opponent's strength to overcome him, thereby making it possible for a David to throw a Goliath."

This means that, especially in a career-deciding situation, resistance and stubbornness are less potent than acceptance and a dynamic mentality. Don't deny the forces working in your life, accept them and redirect them to serve you rather than destroy you. Flourish or falter, it's your  decision.

Often, when a job change is your idea, weeks or even months have gone into the preparation to leave, granting you ample time to make ready, emotionally and financially, for the change. It's a very different ballgame when you discover that someone will be deciding this rather unexpected change for you.

So ask yourself these two questions: 1. In your specific situation, can you afford to take the time to find your ideal place of business? (How many weeks of searching can you afford?) 2. Do you have anything else in the works? (Have you been interviewing at all or recently been offered anything out of the blue?)

Now that you have looked at both of these factors logically, and with a calm mind, let's look at how they interlink. Generally speaking, if you are advanced in your career and inhabiting an executive or senior position, you will be afforded the luxury of spending as much time as you need to make the next step. On the other end of the spectrum, if you are relatively green in your career and not extremely stable financially, you may feel much more of a hurry to take the next step. Amazingly, and again, very generally speaking, it's one extreme that makes the mistake that you would imagine the other making. Nine times out of ten, an executive in a company who could very well take a year sabbatical and land their dream job, will take the very first position offered to them... Because they are successful and not used to sitting idle. The newer worker will sometimes make the mistake of taking too long because they feel overly personally jilted by their dismissal from their prior career and will idealize themselves right out of the workplace, requiring them to take a position far less opportunistic as they let the play develop much longer than they should.

So where are you? I would encourage you to log onto Monster.com and create a profile, even if the only reason you take those 3 minutes is to be able to access and take The Jasper Test (http://my.monster.com/JobStrengthProfile/Intro.aspx) an extremely in-depth and accurate career assessment that will realistically illustrate your strengths, weaknesses, likely goals and potentially very fulfilling career destinations. Then again, there's always your own subconscious mind that can (and probably DOES) constantly prompt you in the direction you "should" be going. This direction is seldom a clear or stable one. My passion has, for nearly 10 years, been ballet. Dancing it, watching it, performing it, and ultimately enjoying it from every single possible angle. This site represents a step in the direction of my happiness because its success will fund my ability to perform again, begin teaching, and eventually open a studio of my own. If you are an avid hunter who is currently wasting away as a manager for a major Retail Store, there is Cabella's, a literal two-story, 100,000 ft² monument to all things outdoor. If you are a passionate coordinator of people who got their degree in Computer Science and is now wasting away in front of a screen in a dark room all day long, you know that you're in the wrong place, and if you're reading this and any of these descriptions even come close to your situation, odds are that you've been contributing to the reasons to leave, even if you don't know it.

Your happiness is very much like a magnet; however hard you push yourself in a direction away from it, the second you stop pushing it will start pulling you back.

So, all that being said, by now you've figured out how much time you have and maybe gained a bit more insight into what direction you're going to be going. So go ahead and skip to the next section of this guide to start down your path.

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