March 2008 Archives

Oh, the sweet, sweet forbidden fruit of the workplace romance. Quoting MSNBC, at this point, in 2008, 62% of the American workforce has been involved in an office affair. Roughly 50% of women and 20% of all men have had an affair with a superior, compared with 7% of women and 25% of men who have dated a subordinate.

It would seem that many of us are climbing the ladder in ways more enjoyable than revving up our resumes...

With 92% of the population of the American workplace admitting that they've flirted with or been flirted with in an intentional (that means in a way that is intended to precipitate in the nasty), our water cooler chat is quickly becoming our broom closet "meeting". And we're penciling partners in faster than ever before; a whopping 41% currently claim to have participated in sexual activities while on the clock.

Wow. Overtime never sounded so good.

It makes sense, though, if you think about it. Not ONLY are we all getting hotter as cosmetic procedures become more available and more affordable and people mature to peak sexuality sooner and more aggressively, but the timeframe for these interactions grows wider as the Cialises and Viagras of the world keep men in the game well into their 70's. Add to the equation the welcome and needed increase in female executives and the corresponding increase in established female power and wealth, and BANG!... You've got yourself one sexually charged world to work in.

Here's the deal, though...

Stay out of it.

As astonishing as Roxy the new marketing agent looks in red, as hard as it is not to stare at Chad's shoulders, as long as you've been fighting the advances from three cubicles over, keep fighting. I'm definitely part of too many of the statistics listed above, and I can tell you this: In hindsight I would not repeat the actions. The distraction, the worry, the highs and lows of these situations DO NOT COMPARE in terms of quality-of-life enhancement with relationships that don't correspond with your professional life. While many companies have historically been stepping away from regulating and governing their employees' relationships for both legal and moral reasons, the pendulum has begun to swing the other way as even the most flexible companies are now forbidding the hiring of spouses, close family or life parters under the same management.

And, folks, if you're a manager who has been thinking (or more than thinking) about doing naughty things with your admin or your assistant, or your left-hand-person or your bottom-rung-employee, don't. Please, please don't. The power that you transfer in that situation is very nearly material. Think of sleeping with someone you are professionally responsible for as if you were allowing them to move into your home and assume partial ownership. Once that link is established, they have a power and role in your life that you simply can't refute, because the way that person is disciplined, incentivized, promoted or fired will all then be influenced by you, whether you're making it happen or watching it happen after you've been fired or sued. Regardless of who you think this person is, please remember that this person will be someone different when you've allowed that transfer of power to occur, guaranteed.

That being said, while it can still be one hell of a bad idea, especially if you could ever be a partner's direct report, lateral office romances are extremely exciting and nearly impossible to resist as these people are usually ones you're spending a great deal of time around and with whom you are often much more well-aquainted than you realize.

So, while I would never advocate getting involved in a relationship in the professional environment, I recognize that sometimes it happens... Just make sure you realize what you're getting yourself into.

Pun intended.

I was exposed to a very interesting concept a few days ago while having lunch with one of my employees. You see, this fellow is renowned throughout our company as someone who just flat knows his stuff when it comes to the outdoors and the gear you need to get where you're going and stay alive doing it. This is the guy who has summited Kilamanjaro, who has done the "Into the Wild" thing, and who knows more about GPS units than Ron Jeremy knows about coitus.

I asked Greg, the aforementioned employee, what his goal was in his parenting. He has two daughters, aged 3 and 5, both of whom ski better than I do, can swim, can roller blade and can snowboard. Basically, in two years these children have amassed more physical prowess than the average 30 year old American. Sad for the average or inspiring for the individual, your choice. Anyway, the question was referring to Greg's goal in his parenting of these kids. His explanation was that he wanted his children to understand the concept of mastery. Greg has "mastered" a number of skills and areas of knowledge, "mastering" being the act of becoming so knowledgeable, so versed, so fluent in something that there are few, if any, that can teach you about it.

The idea of this mastery being something that a child can perceive and build their confidence, their world view, their personality around is a very valuable one, and is applicable to each and every one of us, whether we're a 3 year old snow phenom or a 37 year old leader of people. The thing is, we all think back to a time when we were quite good at something. I personally think back to when I was dancing and teaching a great deal. While there were plenty of people in the world that could teach me more about the art, in my immediate world I was the authority on the topic, and it was a fantastic sensation. I'm not talking about the arrogant "king in the castle" sensation of power, but the idea that you have worked to accomplish something and for it you have to show the confidence that you've earned.

The REAL power of this idea is that you don't always have to be a "master" to understand the concept. Having ever mastered something and keeping that feeling, understanding what it means, is the key. You don't have to master all things, but to know that, having mastered at least one thing, you could master any of them is one of the greatest sensations we as people can have.

And, boy, if you can apply this to your professional world you will see an entire new life rolling out in front of you.

Many of us carry afflictions that have done much to create and define us. An affliction can be any number of things, extending from the physical malady type that most associate with the word to the very non-physical, reaching into the psychological and experiential. Regardless of its nature, we all have afflictions that have shaped us and taught us.

My affliction is kidney stones and the many problems that go with them.

The problem of my particular kind of kidney stones is a very interesting one. You see, as a morbidly obese child, I was cursed with kidney stones at a very early age, and have continued to enjoy their "contributions" to my life to this day. Much like a first kiss, a first car, or first grade, after many years and many of all of the above, kidney stones included, none of them are as world-shattering as the first. This affliction of mine teaches me a great deal, though, because the nature of these stones is eerily similar to the old "rolling stone gathers no moss" saying. You see, a sedentary lifestyle and poor diet lead to the formation and growth of kidney stones. This rewrites the saying as, "a moving Jonathon gathers no stones."

Ouch.

In any event, every time I pass a kidney stone it is a sharp (very sharp) reminder that some practice of mine needs to change. I love to spend time on the computer and I love to read, two activities that don't stir things up much. Also, I find that my diet has drifted from the extremely healthy one that I enjoyed in lighter and healthier days. Additionally, stress levels have fluctuated up in recent days and months, further degrading the situation. The thing is, none of these issues are anyone's fault but my own, which makes it all too appropriate that each stone would be suffered by me and me alone, and in a place that couldn't possibly get more personal.

I wouldn't trade my affliction, though, regardless of the myriad effects it has had on my entire life. Take a few minutes, turn off the music and the television, maybe on the drive to work, and reflect on your affliction. Whatever it is, it's the first thing that comes to your mind, whether it's your Mother being abusive, your repressive religious upbringing, your inability to balance a checkbook, alcoholism, a birth defect, depression, OCD, your disabled sibling, whatever it is that YOU perceive as your affliction. This is all yours, so enjoy it and ask yourself, after taking stock of your life as it is and the person you are, if you'd trade your affliction for any other one in the world.

And THAT'S what makes it yours.

Men are more often bribed by their loyalties and ambitions than by money - Robert Jackson
 
The difficult thing about personal ambition is that both of its edges are razor sharp. When cutting in the positive direction ambition is quite possibly the most valuable trait one can possess. When it cuts you there is little that can gouge you as quickly or as deeply. You see, for every single step you take, or even skip, by being the ambitious individual, you incur jealousy and sometimes even wrath on the part of those overlooked or bypassed. While it not true that every single advancement comes at the cost of another, the opportunity cost of succeeding quickly can sometimes be someone else's cost, which ultimately comes back to us... Tenfold.

Ultimately, I am beginning to realize that the best course is the one of calm advancement, keeping in mind the Chinese proverb of never fearing moving slowly, but to only fear standing still. In this American world of ours that is so very, very focused on money and possession, it can be difficult, sometimes even humiliating, to grow slowly. I personally struggle to keep from measuring myself against my high school reunions and comparisons of those that I grew up with. It's easy to base your own level of success on those with whom you went to school because they had the same advantages and challenges you did, right? So making your success relative to theirs seems realistic, right? I believe that success relative to anyone's definitions but your own should be thrown out. This completely includes my own views expressed herein; Define your own success, whether that's entry-level management for a mid-sized company or constantly aspiring towards self-determination of income.

At the end of the day, I believe that it is impossible to be the character from the John Grisham novel that can anticipate all events and thusly only benefit from ambition. It is for this reason that the path of the calm man is the one with the least traps, and the one that I personally look forward to walking for many years to come, regardless of how far along other people's paths it may lead.

Inspiring words from Abraham and Ester Hicks